Beauty of youth is but the flower
Of Spring, whose pleasure lasts an hour;
While worth that knows no mortal doom
Is like the amaranthine bloom.
– Sappho, ODE TO APHRODITE
When I was a child, I could count on my Dad to present my Mother with a dozen ruby red roses and a box of her favorite chocolates every year without fail on Valentine’s Day. Back then, it felt like their marriage carried on for thirty years like a stoic but agitated, kiss and affectation-free zone. That is, until one day, my Mother asked, “Do you love me?” To which my father replied, “No,” and that was the end of their marriage. Looking back, the men of my generation make my Dad look like a catch, but my Mom was still right to leave. Love is complicated. Many of us sing its praises, courting some otherworldly ideal of ‘unconditional love,’ failing to realize this is the love we’re meant to get from our parents (if we’re lucky) – but not from our partners. Mature love need not be transactional, but it does require agreements, commitments and the right container of mutual affection (and direction!) to truly flourish. It also needs to occur between equals.
If you’re feeling alone or uneasy, contemplative, aggressive or in grief this Valentine’s Day, you’re not alone. It’s still Black History Month, but the state-sponsored violence of America’s racial cleansing agenda is making Nazi Germany look tame. Speaking of ICE, there’s so much snow on the ground, NYC looks more like Krypton. I’m certainly not going to be the one to whisper some saccharine sweet nonsense into your ear and slap a Hallmark card on thousands of years of institutionalized violence against women, people of color, and the Earth. I’m not going to sugarcoat the reckoning just because your ex thought he could have a breadwinning night nurse with the bust of a Victoria Secret model for a girlfriend. Now we know, not only were their bras made with prison labor in the 80s, Victoria’s Secret is that she was sex-trafficked. And yet, we cannot control the outside world, only our reaction to it. How do we transition from transactional to transcendent love?
At the one end of the spectrum is deep collective healing, structural change, radical rehabilitation of relational models and choosing love over fear… at the other end is complacency and disempowerment in the name of business-as-usual. The feminists are wondering how millions of pages of child sex trafficking get leaked in America, and nothing happens. Why do we need a dead man’s emails to prove the testimony of thousands of female survivors? Can we find our power during humanity’s darkest day?
With the rise of #MeToo, women are canceling hookup culture. In a world overrun with Incels and pornographic deep fakes, maybe you’re strictly celebrating Galentine’s this year, and in that case, stay tuned for our March BEAUTYSCOPE centering Asteroid Sappho! Maybe you’re reinventing yourself this February, having realized that the “beauty standards” you inherited were the invention of an industry run by pedophiles. In her now cult classic book Existential Kink: Unmask your Shadow and Embrace your Power, Carolyn Elliot, PhD, creates a roadmap for uncovering and celebrating the previously unconscious pleasure we derive from our most painful habits and patterns – yes, the freaky and masochistic delight we take in our own demise. Freud called it psychic masochism, Jung called it the shadow.
If you’re partnered, dating or simply balancing precariously at the threshold where intimacy meets autonomy, well, we didn’t grow up reading Beauty and the Beast for nothing. Let’s talk about it. Existential Kink that is. It starts with excavating previously unconscious roles, setting aside shame and blame and making the unconscious enjoyment conscious, writes Elliot. Ask yourself, does over-giving make you feel more worthy of love? Does poverty assuage your guilt? Are you an unwilling queen of the underworld or secretly looking to be? Are you magnetizing emotional abuse or obsessing over supervillains? Are you claiming your own thoughts’ power over the holographic nature of reality, or is your life still dominated by stubborn and painful patterns no amount of therapy can absolve? Are you engaging in wishful thinking, delusions or avoidance that only keeps the wheel of illusions spinning? Can you stop letting your fears determine your fate? What are your hungry ghosts telling you and how calmly are you willing to listen? How many skeletons must tumble out of the closet before date night? Can you heal the lack-obsessed part of you and get on with the realness and abundance of supportive coexistence? As Carl Jung said, “Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will rule your life and you will call it fate.”
If all this sounds like you, I suggest reading Existential Kink and particularly, checking out the section on SuperFreak Divine Alchemy. And if you are ready to reclaim what Carolyn Elliot calls your ‘Godself kink,’ baring your soul to your beloved this Valentine’s Day, here’s my top sweetheart gifts for lasting, intentional, conscious and exponentially kinky love.
Your Exclusive Heartbeat Code = Honeymoon Lingerie
If letting the kinky enjoyment of your partner be the electrical charge that gets you out of bed in the morning feels over the top, pause and take a deep breath. Let all those waves of shame and repulsion related to sex/love/intimacy be viscerally felt, then let them roll over you like a great wave of ecstasy and flow back into the great abyss. Now envision yourself and your heart at its most beautiful, coherent and expanded capacity. Throw out your mother’s rulebook and meet Avidlove, the women’s sleepwear brand known for its sleek and sexy satin pajamas. With angelic flowing lace camisoles worthy of the bridal chamber and stylish loungewear built for lady foxes, it’s your one-stop shop for cozy, chic sleepwear sets worthy of the most adventurous of excursions or simply a candlelit dinner at home. When it comes to V-DAY’s enduring, ceremonial romance, let AVIDLOVE be your sexy show-stopper.
Find it HERE
Food of the Gods, A Feminine Aphrodisiac to Inspire Love’s Divine Kiss
There’s no such thing as date night without a little refreshment and my favorite aphrodisiac of choice – chocolate – the original ‘Food of the Gods.’ And I’m not talking about the kind of digestion-delaying goop pumped with emulsifiers. I’m talking food for mind, body and soil. Introducing the Wildwood® Berry Berry Chocolate Bar, a 70% Bittersweet Chocolate confection embellished with artisan dried berries. Even more striking than the beauty of this bar is the balance of its tart and natural sweetness, all the more enhanced by hand-placed strawberries and raspberries. Much more than a candy bar, at Wildwood®, expect an elevated culinary experience. The Portland-based company’s artfully designed chocolates are infused with intricately hand-placed ingredients inspired by nature, curiosity and creativity. From a brand that puts the planet before profit, expect unique flavor pairings and grounding satisfaction in every mouthwatering bite. Decadent enough for rituals of love, wholesome enough for a daily nosh.
Find it HERE
Italian Simmer Sauce
If you do one thing this Valentine’s Day, please don’t pay triple the usual price for a mediocre dish at a glitzy tourist trap that prioritizes exclusivity and hype over ambiance and nourishment. If it were up to me, I’d spend my money on a couple’s spa day at the bathhouse, then frolic home and get busy in the kitchen. Whole foods, presence and love’s potency required! From the Mediterranean region that birthed the slow-food revolution, this Valentine’s Day, grab a suite of flavor-packed Italian Simmer Sauces and chef it up. Take it from a bona fide Italian stallion, lasting love is less fireworks and more slow burn, like a mouth-watering cacciatore simmered on low. With the Italian Simmer Sauce Variety Pack by Carbone, you get a trio of deliciousness.
The official hack for under 30-minute restaurant-quality meals made at home, Bolognese, Cacciatore, and Fra Diavolo style! Slow-cooked in small batches, Carbone sauces are made with only the highest quality ingredients. Imported Italian tomatoes, lovingly grown in volcanic soil and picked by hand at the peak of ripeness, create a naturally sweet and tart no sugar added base. Hand-stripped basil brings out the aromatic herb’s bright, tingly notes while premium, 100% pure non-GMO olive oil creates a rich, balanced sauce like no other.
Find it HERE
Cocoon Yourselves in a Luxe Sea To Me Blanket
To the altar by the Sea
Where waves advance and waves recede,
A full libration will I pour for thee
– Sappho, ‘For Thee’ from ODE TO APHRODITE
After dinner, slip into this plush, hand-sewn beauty by the LA-based outfitter Sea to Me. If the name itself doesn’t invoke love’s oceanic state, you’ll simply adore snuggling beneath the heavenly warmth of this ultra-plush blanket. For the Lover’s out there, I highly recommend the Heavenly Hermosa, a cashmere-soft vegan heavyweight that’s plush on both sides and perfect for spooning. With an array of soft, earthy hues to choose from, it’s not only a blanket, it’s a statement of personal style. Inspired by the sun-kissed beaches and gentle waves of nearby Hermosa Beach, it’s the bestselling blanket from the women-owned brand known for its immensely cosy coverups and dashing accessories.
Find the Hermosa HERE
If you’re more of the ‘Pretty in Pink’ type of gal, check out the Palm Springs Faux Fur Personal Blanket in rosewater, a stunning high-pile variety invoking the soft glamour of old-school Palm Springs. Even in below-zero temperatures, this hand-sewn beauty reminds a cosy homebody that spring is just around the corner with its feather-soft, petal-pink warmth.
Find the Palm Springs HERE
Lover’s Synastry
Once you are snuggled up, no better way to bond with your partner at a deep, psycho-spiritual level than a signature couples astrology reading. Midheaven Or Nah’s Lover’s Synastry Astro-Oracle reading comes with a 1.5-hour session and a full written report of your love written in the stars. Get ready to explore your Venus Placements, Soulmate Indicators, Karmic Past Life Stories, Evolutionary Intentions & Shadow Work. What is the Composite Chart? What is Synastry? A *meta-personality* of a couple does not always derive logically from the personality between two individuals. We start with Synastry, putting the two charts side by side and comparing what we find. Is this a Plutonian Romance? Is his Venus in Scorpio feeding off her Sun? Are you driving each other away only to find that isolation is karmically necessary? You’ll be reading the report for weeks, understanding every nuance of your connection at a deeper level.
The composite chart is what sits on top of the PYRAMID: it’s the invisible third party, the wild card, what is moving behind the scenes when two people come together and establish a new framework of energy, attitude and synchronicity as a couple. The composite is an AVERAGE of the two charts, which produces a new Sun, Moon, Rising, Cosmic Nodal Axis, etc. Are you ready to become a romantic leader modeling healthy love, devotion, passion, and truth in a sacred partnership? If you’re seeking cosmic resolution with a soulmate partner that activates your shared purpose and magnifies mutual pleasure, click below to book your virtual Astro-oracle Lover’s Synastry session.
Find it HERE
Expand into the Atmosphere with the Cloudland Shell
When love has you floating on a pink cloud, don’t underestimate the fury of global warming’s pervasive clap-back! If domestic bliss ain’t your cup of tea, make it a wanderlust V-day, and cloak him in the most durable, chic outerwear of all. Real New Yorkers know we haven’t seen cold like this since forever. And unlike much of today’s fashion, this jacket will last at least that long. Sporting the sleek but formidable Cloudland Shell, a premium waterproof rain jacket built for nature’s harshest conditions, your man stay ready. Ideal for daily rain wear, skiing, hiking, lite mountaineering, travel and jungle excursions, Direct Venting™ 3-layer laminate keeps him dry and comfortable anywhere on Earth.
Boasting the best waterproofness to breathability ratio, a multi-point adjustable hood, six pockets and easy use pit zip keep him dry all over without overheating. The best in waterproof, windproof, breathable men’s activewear, Cloudland Shell’s durable rip-stop fabric offers ultimate protection. A baby soft neck liner feels like a flurry of angel wings caressing his collar, even in the harshest conditions. Teren Designs’ impressive lifetime warranty plus hassle-free exchanges & returns seals the deal.
Find it HERE
Stay Hydrated with Hydro Flask’s Leak-Proof Liquid Love
We know that there’s a connection between women’s level of education and their ability to experience sexual pleasure. But did you know that adequate hydration is key to sexual health? With recent studies revealing that 75% of folks are chronically dehydrated, particularly for men, not only does drinking more water ward off erectile dysfunction, but consistent intake of water also boosts overall sex drive and performance in the bedroom! That is, decreasing stress and increasing fertility while maintaining healthy blood flow, energy levels, hormone regulation and lubrication. Hydration also has a significant influence on testosterone production. In the name of libido and sexual function, let’s bring back drinking loads of clear, pure water.
Ensure his body is ready when it counts and pour it up with a Hydro Flask! The light, insulated stainless steel bottle comes in various sizes from the elegant 200 ml mini to the debonair 40 oz. Let’s not forget the 6.7oz internet-famous Micro Hydro – it clips onto a bag or keychain for hydration on the go. A rainbow of color options includes limited-edition glimmer and mirrored metallic collections while supplies last. With a stainless steel design engineered to deliver cold refreshment anytime, anywhere, the Hydro is BPA-free and easily fits most backcountry water filters. Click below to build your own with custom engraving.
Find it HERE
BIBLIOGRAPHY
Ode to Aphrodite: The Poems and Fragments of Sappho, translated by John Myres o’Hara & Henry De Vere Stacpoole, United Kingdom: Wine Dark Press (2021)
Existential Kink: Unmask your Shadow and Embrace your Power, by Carolyn Elliot, PhD. Newburyport, MA: Weiser Books (2020)
“Can Dehydration Cause Erectile Dysfunction?” Urology Of Greater Atlanta, published online (2025)
