Dating in New York is exhausting. Between the swipe culture, ghosting, and endless small heartbreaks on the L train, women have become experts in processing emotions. Emotional intelligence has become part of how we survive, and even thrive, in this city. But here’s the hard truth: most men haven’t been given, or taken, the same work. For generations, boys were taught:
- don’t cry
- don’t show weakness
- handle everything alone
- emotions are inconvenient
As a result, the majority of men still move through life as if vulnerability is optional, and sometimes, as if kindness and accountability are optional, too. Many are self-centered or just straight-up bad at love. And yes, it’s frustrating. And yes, it’s exhausting.
We can critique society and recognize this reality. Calling it out doesn’t make us mean, it makes us honest. “Hating men” is a natural response to years of toxic behavior and emotional neglect. And yet, the work isn’t just in naming the problem, it’s in asking: how do we, as women, navigate relationships in a world where men are often unprepared to meet us halfway?
We’re not here to save men. We’re not here to pretend that every man deserves understanding. But we can protect our hearts, set standards, and foster the kind of culture that rewards emotional honesty rather than punishes it.
So, what does progress actually look like?
- Encouraging vulnerability instead of shaming it
- Creating space for honest conversations without power struggles
- Holding standards while still approaching men with humanity
- Expecting growth without assuming incapability
We are not responsible for fixing men. But we can contribute to a culture where men are allowed to show up emotionally, just as women have fought to. A healthier world isn’t one where men are silent and women carry all the emotional depth, it’s one where everyone has the tools to communicate, reflect, and connect. Not because men “deserve grace by default,” but because collective healing requires participation from everyone. This isn’t about defending men; it’s about expanding what emotional freedom looks like on a societal level. And that benefits all of us.
Dating in NYC isn’t about lowering our standards or carrying the weight of men’s emotional baggage. It’s about navigating a landscape where most men are still learning, and most need a wake-up call. Emotional growth isn’t just a women’s movement; it’s a survival skill. And in a city like ours, it’s also a superpower.
